I'm Back!

Hi Everyone,

Let me start with apologizing. I'm sorry I've been gone so long. My life took quite a turn this spring and I had to re-think a lot. But Everything is cool again and I found the inspiration to write again.
I never actually stopped writing. I wrote for myself and I hope one day I can share all those stories I will try to tell some of them in this post and show some of the pictures I took(most of them will be selfies).

Let's begin with where I left of here on my blog. FYI I did try to keep vlogging so you can head of to my channel and check out the stuff that I did film. DDSCRAZYLIFE The last post on my blog was my birthday. Stuff was already a little messed up then but my birthday was amazing for once.
Soon after my birthday I had new shows and school so I was way to busy for it all. Then June came around and I had to fight for school. The fight didn't pay off I didn't get my P 0,1 short on a grade. The teacher said if you can't continuo because of my course I will give you that 0,1. But in the end he didn't think it was his grade. So I actually thought this was the end, my future gone and I almost slipped back in to my depression. Thank god this time I had the most amazing people around me who kept me alive. I want to give a big shout out to Asja for the late night calls and texts! A lot of crap happend after that and I had to figure out what I wanted with my life in the middle of it all. I asked for advice from the one teacher I always respected. She said go and audition for Artist. I did, the nerves almost killed me during the audition, but I put all I had in it and they loved it.
So to conclude it all that's where I am now. I'm fulltime studying theatre and it feels like the best decision I have ever made. From day one I felt at home. I love my class and I can be me with them.
There's a vlog up on my channel DDSCRAZYLIFE from our introduction day.

This is what I've been up to. I will try to keep weekly updates from now on.

Lots of Love
Xoxo
DD

Ps. More happend so keep reading if you want to know ;)




























The night off the introduction day I met up with a boy/man(he's not neither actually)
It started as friends and was really fun and stuff. Then we went inside the bar and shit got real.
We started talking about sex, each others preferences and other weird stuff, like the fact that I'm hyper sensitive and some spot on my skin are that sensitive I can come from just touching. We also accidentally had an heart to heart talk. Accidentally because we read each other notes on our phones and both forget we had written a lot of stuff in there. Then at around 3 am I knew I had to go home because otherwise stuff would happen I didn't think I was ready for. I said goodbye to him and we hugged, then his hand went up to my neck(which is one of those places) and my body reacted. I said no and went to get my bike. All of a sudden I hear my name and turn around. It's him apparently I dropped something in the bar and he gives it to me. My mind is racing, what does he want? omg is he going to kiss me? do I want him to kiss me? holy shit what am I going to do? We walk for a bit and then he hops on the back of my bike and grabs me, his hand in my neck on the right spot.

This is all for now if you want more leave a comment saying yes and I will post the rest next week.
xoxo

what was supposed to be a great night

sometimes you have expectations and plans
usually i make sure everything goes the way i want
and everything goes according to plan
not this time
this time the big man upstairs messed it all up
everything was fine on Monday
we went to see them in castricum we had a few little hick-ups on the road but me made it there
and we had a nice cup of coffee(tea for me i don't drink coffee)
MK and i concluded that cody really hated us and it was all fine
then Thursday came and bad news came
í thought i could be strong and not let it ruin my night
i thought wrong, pretending to be strong just made the night worse
the show was nice and fun a always but they couldn't get to us in the audience because we had crappy seats
and the pictures where fun but not as exciting a usual i think they could feel i wasn't feeling good
after the show we waited for them in the lobby and we took some funny pic's
i'll post them later
i want to make a special shout out to matt he was so sweet to me and i think he felt i could use a hug
so thanks matt that hug really helped!<3
i found out cody doesn't hate me and he really liked my cupcake the last time(tnx josh for giving him his)
BC said my cupcakes are amazing but they're bad for them.
i promised him i would make a batch for schiedam because it's the end of the tour

we talked to the rest a little and then they kicked us out the theater so we went to the after party

Fiy i i'm a little pist off that i didn't get to see Kris after the show the basterd
which completely sucked because only vanya and BC showed up:(
then we just went back to our hotel and i thought what the heck why don't i just wright my blog right now
so here i am typing my blog hoping i would be doing something else
instead i'm feeling fucking sad and all i wanna do is go home and crawl in my bed and cry
i now that's not an option now
and i also Tuesday will make up for a lot but still i can't help but miss them already
they're sort of my forgetting potion and it feels like it didn't work this time
got damn it
i'm sorry if it is a bit depressing but that;s just how i feel right now
and life isn't always about sunshine and butterfly's 

xoxo

D.

feelings suck (sometimes)

i just need to type out my thoughts
how can i have fun when i miss someone?
i always feel guilty for being happy
like i don't deserve to be or like it's wrong to be.
i don't know how to change this feeling
people keep saying i don't have to feel like this
but they don't understand it's not a choice and i can't let the feeling go
everyday i wish i could
recently i decided i just had to life with it
that i would never go away
and i thought it helped
i even felt better for a little while
but now the feeling is back
and the moment i think the feeling is a wrong one
i feel worse like i just killed someone
i know no one has an answer
and i sort off made peace with that
but it still sucks
i wish that feeling was i switch i could turn off sometimes
because those got damn feelings just ruined my night
which was supposed to be one of the best nights of my life
so fuck feelings for now!

xoxo
D.

A little impression of my life last year

I became friends with the chippendales and saw them 3 times

I went to my favorite place in the world the efteling

I went to college

I broke my wrist and I torn a muscle playing hockey

I past my high school exam so I got my diploma

And the big picture is me with Christmas